Mark Manson (2016), in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, sums this topic up eloquently. "Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it, quash it, or silence it only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of torture. The release of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame." (Manson, 2016).

What is Toxic Positivity?

"Toxic positivity" refers to the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state, resulting in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. Instead of offering genuine support or understanding, the push for positivity can suppress negative emotions and make individuals feel inadequate or guilty for feeling and expressing genuine emotions.

The concept is particularly relevant in today's social media-driven culture, where there is often pressure to showcase a perfect, happy life. Over time, avoiding or invalidating negative emotions can increase feelings of shame, suppression, and emotional avoidance.

Like anything done in excess, it becomes toxic when positivity covers up or silences the human experience. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. The truth is that humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. Sometimes life can flat-out suck. By pretending we have "positive vibes all day," we deny the validity of a genuine human experience.

Signs of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity can manifest in various ways, both in our behaviors towards others and in how we treat ourselves. Recognizing the signs can help address the issue and promote authentic and healthy emotional expression. Here are some signs of toxic positivity:

• Dismissal of Emotions: Telling someone to "just be positive" or "do not think about it" when expressing sadness, fear, or worry.
• Feeling Guilty for Feeling Negative: When someone feels like they are doing something wrong or being weak for experiencing natural negative emotions.
• Hiding True Feelings: Projecting a happy persona or pretending everything is okay when it is not, especially on social media platforms.
• Minimizing Other People’s Experiences with "Silver Linings": Comments like "At least it is not worse" or "Every cloud has a silver lining" can minimize the feelings of others.
• Brushing off Things that are Upsetting: Saying "It is what it is" or "Everything happens for a reason" to avoid addressing and processing emotions.
• Trying to Provide a Positive Perspective Instead of Listening: For instance, when someone shares a problem, the response is "look on the bright side" rather than offering empathy and understanding.
• Shaming Others for Expressing Frustration or Anything Less than Positivity: Telling people they are being "negative" or "bringing everyone down" when genuinely expressing emotions.
• Feeling Uncomfortable with Emotional Conversations: Changing the topic or deflecting when someone tries to discuss something serious or emotionally heavy.
• Overgeneralizing Good Vibes: Using phrases like "good vibes only" or "no negativity allowed" to an extreme where genuine feelings and emotions are not welcome.
• Rejecting or Avoiding Negative Emotional Expressions: Avoid sad movies, books, or news because they are seen as "too negative."

These are some common expressions and experiences of toxic positivity to help you recognize how it presents itself in everyday life:

• Hiding/Masking your true feelings.
• Trying to “just get on with it” by stuffing or dismissing an emotion(s).
• Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel.
• Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements.
• Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience.
• Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity.

• Brushing off things bothering you with an "It is what it is."

It is essential to understand that promoting positivity and optimism is not inherently harmful. The issue arises when this promotion becomes excessive and invalidates genuine human emotions. Balance is vital. Encouraging an optimistic outlook should not come at the expense of dismissing or ignoring real feelings and challenges.

Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Our Health

Toxic positivity can be detrimental to our health for various reasons:

• Suppression of Genuine Emotions: Continuously suppressing or denying authentic emotions can increase stress, anxiety, and depression. Avoiding negative emotions can prevent individuals from processing and coping with these feelings effectively, which may prolong or intensify their impact (Gross & John, 2003).
• Inhibition of Personal Growth: By avoiding adversity or dismissing it with positive platitudes, one might miss opportunities for personal growth and resilience-building from confronting and working through challenges (Tedeschi et al., 2004).
• Impedes Genuine Interpersonal Connections: Toxic positivity can hinder deep, genuine connections with others because it discourages open and honest communication about struggles and negative emotions (Jordan & Linde, 2005).
• Mental Exhaustion: Keeping up the facade of relentless positivity, especially on platforms like social media, can lead to mental fatigue and burnout (Zeck & Tarnowski, 2017).

The Role of Shame

Promoting a persistent positive outlook in adversity may lead individuals to suppress their genuine struggles. The fear of appearing as a downer or being labeled negatively often drives individuals to mask their genuine emotions. As a result, they might choose to project a façade of well-being over the candid expression of their hardships.

Brené Brown's extensive research on vulnerability, shame, and empathy has illuminated the dangers of suppressing emotions, especially when societal expectations lean heavily towards positivity. Brown (2012) emphasizes that shame grows exponentially in silence and secrecy, fueled by judgment. This underscores the importance of recognizing the subtle signs of shame, which might often remain undetected, masked by other emotions or attitudes.

Shame can profoundly impede our emotional well-being, often lurking in our subconscious, stifling our spirit and self-worth. Brown's work highlights that environments promoting emotional suppression, especially under the guise of unrelenting positivity, provide fertile ground for shame to flourish.

To understand and identify underlying shame, one can introspectively ponder the following:

• “Would their perception change if they truly knew _____ about me?”
• “A part of my life I wouldn't want to be exposed is _____.”

If specific situations, feelings, or experiences immediately come to mind, it might suggest the presence of concealed shame. Addressing and processing these feelings is pivotal for genuine emotional well-being and growth.

Suppressed Emotions

A robust body of psychological research underscores the negative repercussions of suppressing or denying emotions. Concealing emotions intensifies bodily stress and complicates avoiding distressing thoughts and feelings.

Consider a study by Gross and Levenson (1997), where participants viewed unsettling films depicting medical procedures. While one group was instructed to express their emotions freely, the other was told to maintain a neutral demeanor, feigning indifference. Despite external composure, the latter group exhibited heightened physiological arousal, as measured by indicators like heart rate and sweat production. This demonstrates that while individuals appear outwardly calm, significant stress can ensue internally.

Moreover, Barrett et al. (2004) found that emotional suppression, especially of negative feelings, augments mood disturbances and diminishes memory performance. Such findings illuminate the importance of expressing a broad spectrum of emotions. Equipping ourselves with a vocabulary to describe feelings and using facial expressions, like crying, aids in managing our stress responses.

Presenting a constructed public persona, especially one that always seems upbeat, can lead to denying our genuine emotions. Statements like "Everything happens for a reason" might appear reassuring, but they can mask deeper, unaddressed feelings. Disregarded emotions, when perpetually suppressed, can later resurface as anxiety, depression, or even manifest in physical ailments.

For holistic well-being, it is vital to recognize, verbalize, and process our emotions. Doing so alleviates the strain of concealing our authentic feelings and fosters self-acceptance. Honoring all facets of our emotional lives—pleasant, painful, or complex—paves the way for a sincere emotional journey.

Isolation and Other Relational Issues

Living in denial of our true feelings and experiences forces us into a state of inauthenticity. This detachment from our genuine selves not only distances us from our core but also hinders others from forming authentic connections. Beneath an exterior of resilience, many of us grapple with deeply rooted vulnerabilities akin to frightened children yearning for solace and comfort.

The consequences of emotion suppression extend beyond the self and permeate our social interactions. Srivastava, Tamir, McGonigal, John, and Gross (2009) underscored the social implications of this behavior. Their research revealed that individuals who habitually suppress their emotions experience diminished social support, compromised relationship satisfaction, and weakened ties with peers.

Now, consider the perennially upbeat individual, always advocating for positivity. How conducive is such an environment for open emotional expression? Even if the intentions are pure, this relentless optimism implicitly communicates, "Only positive emotions are welcome here." Such a setting inadvertently nudges individuals towards concealing genuine feelings, fostering the sentiment: "I must wear a mask to fit in."

Our relationship with ourselves often mirrors our external relationships. If we are not candid about our emotions, how can we expect to create a space where others feel comfortable sharing their genuine feelings? Embracing emotional authenticity promotes genuine self-expression and paves the way for deeper, more meaningful relationships. Conversely, curating a sanitized emotional environment attracts superficiality, leading to ephemeral connections and insincere friendships.

The Therapeutic Power of Emotion Recognition and Processing

Understanding and identifying our emotions plays a vital role in our psychological health. Emotions, when left unattended or unexpressed, can culminate in stress, distress, and even long-term mental health complications. On the other hand, recognizing, labeling, and processing our emotions has been found to confer multiple therapeutic benefits.

A significant study by Lieberman et al. (2007) delved into the neural underpinnings of emotion labeling. They discovered that when individuals actively labeled their emotions, there was a marked reduction in the activity of the amygdala — a central region in the brain associated with emotion processing and the body's stress response. This decrease in amygdala activity correlates with reduced feelings of distress, helping individuals transition to a more tranquil emotional state.

In a somewhat related vein, the power of expressive writing in processing emotions cannot be overlooked. Pennebaker (1997) embarked on a series of studies examining the effects of writing about emotional experiences. The results were profound: participants who engaged in expressive writing about their emotions and traumatic events demonstrated improved health outcomes and enhanced psychological well-being. Such findings underscore the therapeutic potential of articulating and confronting one's emotional experiences verbally or through written mediums.

In essence, the conscious endeavor to recognize and address our emotions can aid in immediate emotional regulation and promote long-term mental and physical well-being. Whether through introspective self-talk, open conversations with others, or journaling, acknowledging our emotional states paves the way for holistic health.

Summary

Toxic positivity is the excessive emphasis on maintaining a happy or optimistic state, invalidating genuine human emotions. While the cultural push for constant positivity may seem beneficial, it often leads to denial, repression, and emotional inauthenticity.

Signs of toxic positivity include hiding true feelings, feeling guilty for authentic emotions, minimizing others' experiences, and avoiding genuine emotional expression through catchphrases like “It is what it is.”

Being psychologically healthy involves being conscious of ourselves and how we appear. Toxic positivity hurts yourself and the people you care about. This is because you force yourself and others into a monochromatic mindset. Instead of practicing toxic positivity, aim for balance and accept good and bad emotions rather than all-or-nothing thinking.

If you are being influenced by toxic positivity, we encourage you to set healthy boundaries with anyone who passes judgment on your authentic experience and speaks your truth. Embrace your imperfections and the full range of your emotions. You'll reap the rewards of feeling alive and authentic. This is good for your mental health and physical health and draws people closer to you.

Detriments to Health:

• Shame: Adopting a facade of positivity can cultivate shame. As Brené Brown's research suggests, shame thrives in environments where genuine emotions are suppressed.
• Suppressed Emotions: Emotion suppression can increase stress and mood disturbances and reduce memory. Suppressed emotions can later manifest in anxiety, depression, or even physical illness.
• Isolation and Relational Issues: By denying genuine emotions, individuals distance themselves from authentic interpersonal connections, leading to superficial relationships.
• Recognizing and Processing Emotions: Acknowledging and labeling emotions can have therapeutic effects. Expressing emotions like writing can positively impact health and psychological well-being.

Instead of promoting toxic positivity, a balanced acknowledgment of positive and negative emotions is essential instead of promoting toxic positivity. Embracing the entire emotional spectrum benefits individual well-being and fosters genuine interpersonal connections.

References

Barrett, L. F., Gross, J., Christensen, T. C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you're feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition & Emotion, 15(6), 713-724.

Barrett, L. F., Gross, J., Christensen, T. C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you're feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition & Emotion, 15(6), 713-724.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Brown, R. & Doe, E. (2020). Toxic positivity and its impact on mental health. Clinical Psychology Reviews, 47, 45-56.

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348-362.

Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95-103.

Jordan, M. R., & Linde, D. C. (2005). The negative consequences of positive affirmations: When and why personal positivity backfires. Interpersonal Dynamics and Communication, 8(3), 45-58.

Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.

Manson, M. (2016). The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. Harper.

Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162-166.

Smith, J. A. (2019). The perils of positivity: Exploring the dark side of optimism. Journal of Psychological Insight, 13(4), 234-248.

Srivastava, S., Tamir, M., McGonigal, K. M., John, O. P., & Gross, J. J. (2009). The social costs of emotional suppression: A prospective study of the transition to college. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(4), 883-897.

Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.